Saturday, August 7, 2010

what does it mean?

i've been wanting to create a blog for some time, now...
to create a sense of community with others who seek meaning, possess curious minds, and who seek more than the recycling of habitual thoughts circulating in their heads. 

more than book club discussion, the intention of this site offers a place to actually experiment with new ideas, share outcomes & new learning... a respectful and safe place to share questions, experiences.

we are like scientists in our lives - and our life is our laboratory. as i cultivate the practice of mindful noticing i increase my possibility for more conscious choices rather than those habitual thoughts, feelings & reactions.

my favorite question that i am currently working with in my own life-- when i notice a negative emotional reaction to what someone did or said, i ask myself:  what am i making this mean?   
i have an example to share:
     I was making plans on the phone with a friend (she & the second friend were already 
        at her place. I was attempting to negotiate what i was wanting to do, we were going
        back & forth a bit. Then, she said she'd call me back. Well, 10 minutes went by and
        no call. I felt kinda down - i started pulling some weeds in my garden. I noticed 
        feeling sad. 
        then, i wondered -
        "What am i going to do with these sad feelings? I don't want
        to just stuff them or ignore them."  So, i pulled out my journal and wrote down the
        experience... that i was negotiating how i'd hoped to spend our time - and that she 
        didn't call me back. Then, i asked myself: "What did i make it mean?" 

I realized, then, what i made it mean - that she didn't call me back -
was that i shouldn't have asked for what i wanted, and, because i did -
i made her angry with me and she changed her mind about including me.

I realized, then, that I had NO idea if that thought i was having was True - 
therefore, the sadness was Unreal ! The Thought was what made me sad because i had no True information about why she hadn't called back.

Then, the phone rang. It was my friend suggesting we meet up at this great
spot with outside seating on this sunny day for appetizers & cocktails.

I have learned better than to trust every thought floating in my head - especially when the thought causes me emotional distress. Questioning "What am i making this mean?"

Do you have an experience to share?


  1. Dear Nancy,

    Thank you for sharing with me your blog.

    Very interesting subject and close to my heart, as I also work on it :).

    Your question inspired me. I knew before about questioning own thoughts by asking: is this really truth? What if it is not truth?

    Indeed we so much have influence on each other and self.

    It reminds me also about this movie

    What the bleeb do we know? Down the rabbit hole. Perhaps you watched it?

    Have a nice day

    With warm greetings,


    Ps: I just tried to post this as a comment, I am sorry, but I just don’t want to create another profile, so I send it as mail. I don’t know if that matters to people, but it is easier when they can just comment, not create all profile.

    With kind regards,


  2. Nancy darling,
    I just spent a lot of time making a comment to your blog from my iPhone, but it didn't make it easy for me and I end up loosing my post.
    A bit of what I said is that there is so much for us to share and discuss there!
    Wouldn't be easier if every time we have a negative thought that causes us to feel a negative emotion, to just stop ourselves and ask; am I making all these meanings? Can I shift to feel a little better every single moment? Or should I asked the person who helped me to trigger these negative Waves of thoughts, if this fucked up meaning I am making of it is true?
    I want to congratulate you for starting this blog and I will plug my friend into it.
    I always wanted to start a blog and know you have inspired me. Good work!
    I wish you have a very inspiring day inspire the gray...

  3. I'm not much a of a blogger participant. But...I think your idea is great! In this
    example, what you're really doing is recognizing ego and how it
    interferes and causes suffering in our lives. A basic Eastern teaching.
    ...There could be an entire blog about that alone! If we could educate
    ourselves to be more aware of our egos we could get back to the peaceful
    existence we all desire.

    Personally, I'm a victim of my own sense of abandonment. Have no
    idea where it comes from but it sneaks up on me in instances like the
    one you mentioned, and it makes me react in ways that I later regret.
    I'm getting better at recognizing it but this has been a lifelong
    pattern. I'm working on it!

    Hope people are engaged. You've hit on a common nerve and I hope
    your future posts will do the same. Best wishes and thanks for putting it out there.


  4. Thanks Nancy for the dialogue opportunity,

    Meaning-making beyond the moment or after the fact:

    I have a way I check out my "meaning-making". I say to the person, (here's an example):

    "The other day when we were talking, you said.....Later I realized I really didn't know what you meant and I found myself making up stories about what I thought you meant. Instead of making up stories I thought I would just ask you for clarification. What did you mean when you said.............?"

    I have had really good results. People usually chuckle at the ~ I found myself making up stories part and are glad to give me more information. I have deepened several relationship by asking for clarification after the fact of the conversation.

    I realized the "meaning-making" stories in my mind often happen after the fact of the conversation (beyond the moment). It took me awhile to get up the courage to inquire after the fact. When I reframed the inquiry in my mind from "confrontation to clarification" it became easier.

    Thanks again. Roxanne

  5. I know that if I am feeling emotional I always look at what my thoughts were, that brought on that emotion. Thoughts create and I desire to create only positive life affirming experiences for myself and others so I am responsible for my thoughts. If I have created a discomfort or even a condition in my body I know I can reverse it if that is not what I "meant" or intended to create.

    I was noticing this morning that my thoughts were very active and I reaffirmed my intention to meditate every night and enjoy the peace of being fully immersed in Source and quiet my active mind.

  6. after the first twenty-four hours of my first ever blog, my heart is so grateful for the heart- felt replies... individuals sharing from their heart what has meaning to them... in ways that are honest and vulnerable. my deepest gratitude for your blessing my blog with your words of caring and honesty...may we all be encouraged and inspired...