Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Our Inner Spirit that Speaks to Us - when we Listen

On the fifth anniversary of my Dad's passing, 

I would like to share a significant and most remarkable sequence of
events and experiences with you...

on monday 8/22, I had met with a friend/colleague to
review and explore with her, several of my recent dreams...

Since the beginning of the year i had been meeting for this purpose
at her office... however, on this particular occasion, and for no 'apparent' reason, on a whim...
i requested to meet her at her home
(which is over twice the distance from me than her office would have been --
where i usually meet her when discussing my dreams....)

In fact, on the drive over to her home
I kept chiding myself for making such a decision that would take me so 'out-of-the-way'
and be more time-consuming! "Why did i DO that?" I wondered.

She lives right on the Puget sound, so
after our dream interpretation meeting,
on a "whim" - instead of getting into my car, i  walked
a few yards further and
i went and sat on the 'ocean wall' just a half block from  her place -
to reflect, to BE...

as i sat and looked out at the 'ocean' - i saw a small motor boat -
similar to the sort of boat my father
enjoyed as a child and adolescent on the long island sound.
as i sat and watched a distant 'figure' in a small boat out on the Sound -
some sort of "fantasy" or "vision" began to transpire...

>>>    in the boat was a young boy...    he motored
over to the shore
- i went to the water's edge to meet him - he looked
like my father at around age 9 or 10 y.o. 
I asked him his name.
He said, "David".  (Which is also my father's name).
I asked him his birthday.  he said
"December 4"...(my father's birthday)... I asked him
what year he was born...  he told me "1917"  (my
father's year)...

he told me that he 'wouldn't be meeting me like this
for much longer' -
he said that,
soon / instead,
he would be meeting me at 'nighttime' (like in my dreams)...

interesting... the whole exchange was so
matter-of-fact on my part -- 
i didn't ask ANY curious questions, which would be my typical reaction...
like: why or how is this happening... ?   
i did say
that i'd be sad if i wouldn't be meeting him, here, any more,
that i would like to see him in the daylight...
but, he said: not much longer - however,
that we would meet at night...

i did cry, intermittantly, sitting there on the sea wall...  yet,
interestingly, in the vision, that
'part' of me was Not sad...

On Wednesday, 24th, i received word that my father
left his body, passed away... two days AFTER
this 'vision' had occurred...

I learned from my mother during that weekend of his funeral, that
it was on Monday,  22nd that
he 'suddenly' took a turn for the 'worst'...
this was the same day i sat on the seawall and received the vision -

and, now, i'm so glad
that i had and
FOLLOWED my illogical
'whim' to meet my friend
at her house by the water - and after the meeting
i'm grateful that i followed the whim to Sit on the seawall
rather than
just get in my car and leave!  ... you know...the 'on-to-the-next-have-to-event' routine...

    as in how we typically feel pushed and pulled...

these choices came from a very subtle place...
i had to be open or i would have totally missed it !

the final amazement was when, at home that weekend, i was looking through all
the many photos of my dad, from his childhood on through adulthood - and,
there in the midst of the massive pile of photos
was a black & white photo image of my father as a young boy -
     he was sitting in a small outboard motored dingy
    on the waters of the long island sound....
    and, he was around the same age as the boy who showed up in my vision -

I find the whole experience quite remarkable!

 i'm learning about Being present - paying
Attention - Listening...
and most importantly,
Not shrugging off or dismissing impressions
                                          just because they don't 'make sense' to my so-called rational left-brain thinking

Perhaps my experience will inspiring your sharing of your own experience with (inner) Listening -
          i welcome your posting...

or, inspire to Listen, inwardly for your own experience...


Friday, August 13, 2010

Thoughts are Things

These three issues have been weighing on my mind mind, today--as the news presents a regular repeat of the weather horrors occurring in Pakistan, China and Russia. Thousands of people suffering in ways I can't even imagine--I prevent myself from imagining--with the flooding in Pakistan & China, Human Beings like you and me -- losing Everything and then many getting dreadfully sick. And, the crazy wildfires in Russia making it prohibitive for people to even get a decent Breath of Air.

Why am I writing this? As I hear this news while I'm driving to wherever in my car, I don't know what to do with this information. I find myself not wanting to think about what I just heard. I want the words to trail away into some other conversation that won't sit so heavily on me. But, then... a thought occurred to me...
   'what if I get myself Present in This moment, Feel my heart - and make a wishful prayer of Love, of Well- wishing, of Help for all those caught in these dire, desperate conditions'.

Although my so-called 'logical' left brain "knows"--because it has 'heard'-- that thoughts are things ...  nevertheless, my 'rational' left brain wants to scoff at me... 'that's ridiculous', that part wants to say... 'how could your measly little thought make any difference in such dreadful circumstances?'

But my right brain that connects with my heart wants to believe that Thoughts are Things ... and that if enough individuals held firmly to the intention to send Wishful prayers of Love and Help...  I want to believe that this Effort of Intention can matter on our Mother Earth.

With all the pain and suffering in the world, today... it's rather staggering - even here in our own country with the troubled economy - what would happen if I consistently make a mental/emotional effort of Wishful Prayer...when I hear of tragedy... or even sirens in my own neighborhood --  instead of being too preoccupied with my own momentary thoughts or plans?  I realize that this is by no means a new thought--however, it is one with which I struggle. And, just knowing that like-minded & hearted others are holding this Intention - that I'm not alone in this wish, gives me strength....to Wish...

Will you join me?  I would be honored to hear your thoughts & experiences in this venture...

Saturday, August 7, 2010

what does it mean?

i've been wanting to create a blog for some time, now...
to create a sense of community with others who seek meaning, possess curious minds, and who seek more than the recycling of habitual thoughts circulating in their heads. 

more than book club discussion, the intention of this site offers a place to actually experiment with new ideas, share outcomes & new learning... a respectful and safe place to share questions, experiences.

we are like scientists in our lives - and our life is our laboratory. as i cultivate the practice of mindful noticing i increase my possibility for more conscious choices rather than those habitual thoughts, feelings & reactions.

my favorite question that i am currently working with in my own life-- when i notice a negative emotional reaction to what someone did or said, i ask myself:  what am i making this mean?   
i have an example to share:
     I was making plans on the phone with a friend (she & the second friend were already 
        at her place. I was attempting to negotiate what i was wanting to do, we were going
        back & forth a bit. Then, she said she'd call me back. Well, 10 minutes went by and
        no call. I felt kinda down - i started pulling some weeds in my garden. I noticed 
        feeling sad. 
        then, i wondered -
        "What am i going to do with these sad feelings? I don't want
        to just stuff them or ignore them."  So, i pulled out my journal and wrote down the
        experience... that i was negotiating how i'd hoped to spend our time - and that she 
        didn't call me back. Then, i asked myself: "What did i make it mean?" 

I realized, then, what i made it mean - that she didn't call me back -
was that i shouldn't have asked for what i wanted, and, because i did -
i made her angry with me and she changed her mind about including me.

I realized, then, that I had NO idea if that thought i was having was True - 
therefore, the sadness was Unreal ! The Thought was what made me sad because i had no True information about why she hadn't called back.

Then, the phone rang. It was my friend suggesting we meet up at this great
spot with outside seating on this sunny day for appetizers & cocktails.

I have learned better than to trust every thought floating in my head - especially when the thought causes me emotional distress. Questioning "What am i making this mean?"

Do you have an experience to share?