Monday, January 19, 2015

Are we living from our Essential Nature... or an Unnatural Life

At birth we are pure essence... our essential nature shines through the tiny being. Anyone who has been around newborns can see very quickly that each infant expressions their own essential nature right from the start. Visualize the newborns you recall in your life... and remember how this pure, unfettered essential nature reveals itself in the first two or three months of life.

What we see here presented in this infant is pure essence... the basis of who we actually ARE--our Essential nature.
Because there is no language yet - no concepts have been created - so Everything in view of this young Being is NEW... AMAZING... WOW!  There is no You and Me... there is JUST THIS! and, it's AMAZING... the thing called 'foot' is amazing... the thing called 'rattle' is amazing... looking and playing with rapture... for the infant, there are no names of things; it just IS... to be experienced in the Moment and at One with.

Then, baby learns names of things... usually starting with 'Mommy'... and 'Baby'...
Soon baby learns that Mommy is Mommy... and Baby is Baby...
Some time later baby learns that Mommy and Baby are 'separate selves'. Baby is Taught this... that he is Separate.( I see this is the most impactful conditioning of our lives - and ultimately leading to many peoples' sense of isolation and sense of alone-ness... the nagging doubt of not 'good enough' or feeling left-out)
And, later yet... child learns ... this is good... this is bad... this is dirty... don't touch this...
And, as time goes on child learns how to exist and get love in their family... what to do... how to be...
... maybe need to be the Responsible one... taking care of others and managing things at home, somehow... as a child... or need to be the Smart one... maybe need to be the Funny one... maybe need to be the Invisible one...  maybe need to be the Scapegoat... or the Lost one... the one with no needs so as not to BE a burden to mom and dad.

Even later the child learns what people want -- learns to be the Pleaser... learns to Fear Conflict... learns to Not ask any questions... learns to find the answer to Everything and will pretend to know, if not... learns to be charming guaranteeing that everyone will like him/her... learns to be the Responsible one so that she/he can feel needed... and/ or believes there is some control in an otherwise unpredictable situation...  learns to be the dependent one so that she/he will feel taken care of... or learns to be the Independent one to ever avoid feeling 'trapped'.. or needs to be the Hard Worker... working super-long hours, or obtaining advanced degrees to place after ones name...
By the time these (unconsciously) learned "roles" take hold... the child is developing a sense of who he/she is IN this Role. By the time we reach adulthood, the role becomes an Identity. People then wear this identity like a garment - it is who they "are" and what they "do".... defines them.

This is understood as the Unnatural self.

The Unnatural self can be likened to paper mache covering... since childhood... with the conditioning that is inescapable... the paper mache has been lovingly or not so lovingly placed all about the person as they grow - but, sadly... Not into who they are meant to be. The paper mache covering obscures the Essential nature and what is seen and experienced is the Unnatural self. It is also known as a Mask one wears.

Don't you suppose this is why there seems to be such dissatisfaction in our culture, today -- Consider:  so much consumerism, 'must haves' for the latest techno-gadgets, cars & homes to prove we've 'made it'--have become a Successful Person... or, needing to be the 'perfect' parent... running ragged for our children, overeating, needing to be Liked, needing to be Busy, avoiding silence... or unscheduled time, concern over what others think of you, needing to present yourself as one who 'has it all together', avoiding vulnerable feelings with self and others, not realizing that you're giggling after you say something because you feel uncomfortable, have mastered the 'perpetual smile' that you have learned to wear in order to appear happy and non-threatening to others, or chuckling and laughing everything off to avoid feeling any perceived "threatening" (unhappy) emotion,

The Unnatural self has been devised, unwittingly, by the child, over the years as roles and strategies to feel Good and Safe in her child world. This Unnatural self is the construct of the 6 year old... or the 8 year old... or the 12 year old. This paper mache covering may no longer be suitable to the adult that we have become - having been developed by the child we once were. However, we may find ourselves still fully cloaked in protection.

In constellations work it becomes evident that people initially feel afraid of vacating this paper mache covering / protection--the Unnatural self because this is how they Now Know themselves-- this Unnatural self has become their 'Identity'... which means:  They do not Know who they truly are... they do not, yet, know their Essential nature. Sadly, this is actually true for the majority of people... which, again, makes more clear how it is that our "modern" culture is in the current state it (We) are in.

This could be useful to ponder... simply by Noticing our Activity... what we are Busy with... and how we Justify its Significance and relevance in our lives... like, it would be like tearing at our skin if we part with any of it... as well as what we need to buy... and the degree to which we express ourselves Authentically... or, rather... do and say what... and how... other people expect of us...
These questions can be a useful starting point to ponder... unless the status quo is more comfortable... and, this... too... is informative.