Seeing the "deficiency story" for what it is...

One day it came to her in a Flash -
just how caught she was in her 'deficiency story'...
she saw it...!
...doubting herself & over-thinking
... believing her effort not seeming 'good enough'
...annoyance when she makes a 'mistake'
and, the most troubling >
trying to control everything so that everything goes 'perfectly' ... so she doesn't look like a bad or inadequate person -- (which is how she feels)

She Saw all this... and made a promise to herself then and there that she would Notice these Untruths about herself and Remind herself that This is Just an Old Story! That it's Not true! ... and just Let that deficiency story GO!

She could honestly say that she always does her best and she never intentionally does anything to hurt anyone!
... She's a GOOD Person!

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EXPLORING REALITY

Exploring Reality                                                                                                        9/01/14

This paper the first of its kind--for me--as an experiment in putting together and blending notes from books and notes written from listening to 'liberated' teachers and my own experiences exploring Reality of nondualism. I've been involved for past 5 years ... exploring what is Here, Now...
initially, reading > Byron Katie... Eckhardt Tolle... Miguel Ruiz... then, 'discovering' non-duality authors and... then... meeting, in person, hearing & discussion with 'liberated' Teachers...
 By NO Means is this a Complete picture - and I've intentionally left out particular truths, for now.

In past 3 years looking deeper into what is True - SEEING the conditioning – pointed to by these teachers...
This year seeing even more what we've been taught to believe by consensus reality as really UpSideDown from Truth
Understanding shared here is limited – and I share with you what I understanding, now.
 SEE what is True... for You !

Why Explore Reality? – We believe we already Know it. But that's just it - Reality can Not be Known by the mind. Reality can only be Experienced - however, unbeknownst to us, our concepts and convictions camouflage our ability to see Reality/Truth.  In Not understanding the Truth > Reality –there is ALWAYS suffering... simply look back in 'history' – look at the current world situation – there is Suffering...

• emotionally, psychologically...dissatisfaction, self-criticism, deficiency 'stories' create Much suffering in us.
• Realizing Truth offers reducing of stress, anxiety, conflict and addiction as old beliefs fall away.

• Reality is and can never be Other Than what is Right Here – Right Now
  
• Past and Future only exist in our Mind – happening right here and right now
  
• We say things are happening to me from 'out there'--in the world-- we think there is an 'out there' – but we are actually experiencing ourselves (in here)
  
• The mind can not know reality because the mind only knows 'concepts' – it is incapable of understanding reality...therefore, unable to Experience it

Names of things are NOT what they actually are

• the names for things are actually merely arbitrary sounds that have been agreed upon by society

• naming a thing interferes with our connection with that thing

• we come to see that we've had no way of knowing of an object except through our habits of thought. So we come to see that thought is not mirroring reality. .. in fact, interferes with seeing.

Our (unexamined) convictions--beliefs Interfere with seeing Reality– society supports these faulty conviction that:

• conceptual interpretations we make are True and accurately describe reality
  
• the 'naming' of things describe and point to what it actually is – including each other

• past and future are real – things are happening to me 'out there' – names of things indicate what a thing Is –
  
• the belief that people are 'acting toward me' – or that I am responsible
  
• things & people 'should' be a certain way – what's happening is unacceptable
  
• we can control outcome
  
• conviction in the belief in opposites – dichotomy, mutually exclusive – rather than seeing the illusory creation of polarization – imagined separateness (running rampant in society)
  
• my wants, needs, 'must haves' or 'don't wants' Should be satisfied – or I will be unhappy, dissatisfied
  
• everything stays the Same (or should)... (we see others & experiences from the past – not in the present – mind has a concept
  
• we must improve – become better – how we are at present is not good enough

The dualistic mind believes in a division between a person and the experience 'happening to a person'. It puts every experience in a time-bound, thought-based self-story.


*****One way of EXPLORING your beliefs & convictions is by listening to your choices of words – and others' words – will offer insight into your perspective on life...your beliefs, convictions

What Happened? How did we get here?

Infants experience reality, totally and completely – No names for things, no self-identity, no separate objects – Everything is ONE.

Utter glee, exploration,newness, amazement – Observe a child under the age of one and see this Reality. (see image below)

Then – Conditioning sets in –(See – Voice of Knowledge by Miguel Ruiz - or, Becoming your True Self by Vivian Broughton

• Survivor self is created – Interpreting with limitations of child-mind, its life experiences – like looking through a slit and believing she's seeing entire picture of what Is.
  
• No longer able to See Reality – survivor strategies & creation of filters interfere with ability to see Reality.
  
• Because it's easy to feel 'unsafe', we live in fear, anxiety, pressure, stress...particularly of 'aughts' and 'shoulds'.
  
• Survival strategies we Believed we needed to survive childhood/family are Still being used – now – out of habit – even though the trauma is over and we have Already Survived!
  
• We're caught in habits of mind, memory & belief/convictions of which we've forgotten the contents.

Now, we are completely Used to – feel at Home with – this particular view of Reality – the belief in 'what we must Do' & how we must 'Be' to Feel Safe ! (memories and thoughts that we're living out of – today...
SEE them for what they are – they are creating our reality, over and over.

Steps toward Seeing What IS:

• This exploration involves a SEEING.... Not a 'Doing'

• Desiring to see Reality as it IS – to see Truth
  
• SEEING our out-moded perspectives – seeing how it has been limiting you, causing suffering
  
• SEEING deep unconscious habits of conditioning – (fear of not being enough, fear of not having enough – are Not personal experiences – they are a deep habit of consciousness)
  
• Connecting with Awareness

Awareness is Who / What we Truly Are...

• Awareness is always present regardless of what's happening
  
• Awareness is the space in which all occurrences appear.
  
• it's the Space between an occurrence – where we may Remember to Breathe – Connect with Awareness...
  
• Occurrence = body sensations, perceptions (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, states); and world (experiences... everything we believe is 'out there')

Consider the metaphor of being in a movie theater – watching the film called: 'My Life'

In the metaphor we have a movie screen, we have the movie starring the actors viewed on the screen, and we have the stuff that's happening... or occurring to the actors in the movie.

• the screen represents Awareness (or oneness) 
  
• movie that plays upon the screen is subject and objects (appearing as Separate things 'happening)...
• Occurrences (everything that comes and goes) including others - our thoughts, feelings, experiences, states
• We, as individuals, are characters in the movie and as such are unable to see the screen (Awareness) upon which we're being played and we believe our role as separate individuals in the movie. We can turn, look back, up and down, and even within, and we can never see the screen itself.

I cannot see that I am playing within Awareness (the screen). Yet as the screen (Awareness), everything shows up within/upon me, and all remains dimensionless from this perspective. Everything, absolutely everything is allowed to be displayed upon the screen and like Awareness, the screen is not affected in any way by what is displayed upon it. (Remember, Awareness is Who we Truly Are)

SEEING all that occurs in our life as Occurrences - neither good nor bad - It just IS... thoughts, feelings, states, beliefs...
Letting Go of the 'should's/shouldn'ts'... relaxing into the present moment - into Awareness

Challenges in life: We are hypnotized by Life. Life (society) has So many demands upon us – pressure has been created to fit in, conform, comply, submit to Life's expectations – we hope to feel sense of 'belonging'.

Viewing Reality in this way does not deny the existence of world, but demonstrates it as Occurrences,  like a movie on a movie screen. As a movie, a movie seems real... and as the world, the world seems real... Seeing the Occurrences in our lives as things that occur... and then disappear... it's possible to loosen the grip the mind has in believing these occurrences as something that should or shouldn't happen - or that we can control... Recognizing sensation of bodily contractions... tensions cause by objecting, fear, anger...  Loosening the grip - relaxing, inwardly.

Working With Intention -

WORKING WITH INTENTION - parts of self

My Notes about Working with Intention from Vivian's trauma workshop: (this information below includes NOTHING  about other participants' individual work)


What information seeker discloses in the 'chair' is equally important as the constellation – the seeker's telling of the back-story helps them get in touch with the trauma that occurred so as to begin the process.

Our culture denies the occurrence of trauma unless it is on the scale of  9/11. Childhood trauma is not recognized.
Trauma is an experience of powerlessness – where there is Nothing that could be done (as a child).
...the child Freezes, Dissociates, Splits off from itself...

Seeker's INTENTION is actually a part of her/himself – illustrating possible projections, can turn into unconscious opposite sides of oneself like anger, rage, aggression, powerlessness – feelings that have been buried

The original trauma(s) are frozen in time and needs to be allowed up into consciousness to release.
Trauma occurred when we were Powerless as a child in a situation.
Our sense of powerlessness is unbearable as a child – we find survival strategies to cope.
Not being 'seen' or 'heard' as a child – anger, or feeling 'what's the use' may be a survival strategy.

Trauma is held in the body.
How much is the Cost to us for not fully feeling Alive –due to inability to embrace the cut-off parts of self?

Fear of feeling the pain in the traumatized part of self – we do anything to Not connect – to Avoid – to Not see- therefore, we are Not allowing ourselves to see a part of ourselves that feels Isolated, Alone,Needy for Connection !
Therefore, everything we experience, express in dissatisfaction... is about US... the disowned parts.

Trauma seriously disrupts our ability to Trust ourselves, our feelings, what belongs to me & to the other – and understanding our experiences.

Parents who are traumatized are UNABLE to be trustworthy!

The seeker's Intention tends to be a blend of the survival, the Healthy &traumatized parts of self

Seeker beginning to connect more deeply with the Healthy part of themselves via the Intention.

Possible Intentions are to see, feel, touch in to - whatever one realizes has been keeping them from living life fully and alive  and putting this recognition into their own words as an Intention for the constellation.

Knowing the 'Story' is less relevant for the representatives – Instead:tuning in to the experience in the body as representatives –physically, emotionally – is the key! The body shows us where the entanglements in the trauma live. Representatives letting go of their mind and Trusting their bodily experiences, feelings & expression without suppression, fear, doubt or embarrassment.

For seeker to Look into the Face of their own traumatized child part –embracing this part is the beginning of integration... autonomy...True Self

Becoming familiar with our survival strategies so we Realize this is NOT me...(impatience, irritation, judgmental are all aspects of persecutor—victim in oneself)

When you see something presented outside yourself (constellation) &are able to acknowledge this is YOUR inner world – and accept it...bring it into consciousness—then can be the beginning of release of inner tension that has been tightly held.

As we start to see the Truth – the survival strategies begin to fall away.
(see image, below)


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