I woke up this morning with a keen realization
regarding an emotional difficulty I experienced a few weeks ago... and,
thanks to the influence from listening to Unmani
(http://not-knowing.com/) last weekend as well as reading A New Earth... I sat and wrote this in my journal... it all simply poured out... with some refinements added, later.
Our culture keeps us asleep... one of the many ways is through language... which reinforces our beliefs. Perceptions from early childhood... how we... how I interpreted my events... reinforce the (misperception) that someone... or Life... is doing something to me.
She/he is ignoring me... criticizing me... excluing... dismissing... not appreciating... Me... and so, a story... my story is reactivated... my child(hood) perceptions... misunderstandings--interpretations from the past overlaid onto present life events. All arguments, offenses, hurt feelings, conflicts, war... are a result of the story of 'me'.
Of course, most are unaware that Nobody is doing anything (to us)... it's All just happening... in the only way it can... or something would be happening differently--as our stories superimpose onto each others stories... this is our so-called reality. And, it's my perception of what's happening - based on my interpretations of others learned a long time ago.
The One that I Am is a point of Light... while 'me' is a bundle of memories... of interpretations given to life events from long ago... making them mean something based on the memories of 'my' story...
so, 'me' goes through life perceiving that things and people are happening / doing something to me
so, 'me' goes through life perceiving that Life / situations and people are happening / doing something to to 'me'... When 'me' likes what is happening - 'me' is happy - when 'me' doesn't like what is happening... doesn't like how 'me' is treated... or the situation is ... 'me is unhappy'... believing the story of 'me'. And, we all have our individual version of 'story' - whether it is in relation to other people or in relation to Life, itself... the realization of the story is the necessary first step toward truth.
Such a deeply held belief! me and my story of who I am - all that has happened to me that defines my identity, my difficulties, an as a separate 'me'... separate from you... and either more special or less than...
Ego insists this is all true! L o o k ! ego says... pointing... there you are... here I am ! of course we're separate!
and, when something happens... when you ignore me... or you say something that means I'm wrong... or conversely, your actons flatter me... ego is the one who reacts... believing its sense-based perceptions as the only truth. Ego makes up a story (always based on the memory of past perceptions and interpretations) and reacts accordingly... happily or unhappily... it has become a habit... and this is how we are imaging reality to be.
And, for others it may be less about beliefs in relation to 'others' and more about beliefs about Life, itself...
for example, the belief: "life is hard" .. you have to work hard... meaning... there's no time to have fun or to play.... life is a struggle... LOOK! See! Look at all the things I have to get done! I don't have time for me... for my needs!
Or the belief: "There's not enough" - I can't have what I want/need. My needs aren't going to be met... I can't find the right partner, I can't find a job (or the right job), I don't have enough money for what i need..."
Or, "Life isn't fair --it didn't turn out the way I thought it would"- I've always done the right things; I've taken the high-road; I've helped others - and look what I get in return!" All of which appears clearly just and true to the believer about Life as do the interpersonal stories. We are all living out of our memory bundle - our feeling of 'me' and my life.
But what to do with the story--the bundle of memories that I believe are 'me' ?... this bundle that bumps up against life... and becomes activated once again? This bundle that seems to contain so much energy. Where is this energy coming from? Whose energy is it? Maybe it's the energy of this point of Light... which the bundle--the story--has been stealing! The story... in and of itself... doesn't have energy of its own... its simply a story...
How to restore the energy to its rightful place?... removing the energy from ego-- transferring the energy to the point of Light? Proper perspective helps--recognizing the ego... the paper mache covering... that contains the bundle of memories/perceptions of a story... the story of 'me'... the tightly-bound identity with interpretations and beliefs...
I can live this life while knowing full well that this ego, this story of me is--has been--imagined... over years of reinforced mis-perceptions... meaning, untruth. Wow! But, I've been believing it for so long! It feels So real! (this is 'me' talking)
Question every objection to 'what is'... especially if noticing this 'me' is taking something personally, or believing some self-defeating thought about life. The pull will be strong to believe the story in that moment - that something is happening to 'me'! or that Life is conspiring against my having joy.
Use the wise mind to remember - the story has been activated! Realize>> the dream, the nightmare has just been triggered, again - BREATHE!
Remember: I -- this essential nature that I Am -- is a point of light... amidst other points of light... amidst a life that brings us exactly what we imagine... like it or not. Visual perception will have us believing that this point of light is separate from those - however, like drops in the ocean - there is only the One. A quantum shift is being asked of me in this moment. Energy transfer from ego to point of light.
REMEMBER!
My next exploration will on what to 'do' with the emotions that arise when the story becomes activated.
